can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize