so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
