She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
