Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
where are my eyebrows?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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