woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
