I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize