I wish I only lived at night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
