Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
