we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
