She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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