I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
