when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
