woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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