I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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