I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
