I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
