my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
