im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
