He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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