I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
