This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
