I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize