don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think i just lost a toe
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