she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
