it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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