My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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