Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We got so high we made milksteak
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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