He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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