also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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