You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
