we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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