Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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