Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
