She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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