I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
