It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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