smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude i'm inner monologue high
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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