I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
