God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
