Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize