About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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