What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
