I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
