So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
