Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My pussy is not your playground.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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