My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
