Are we in a gay sports bar?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
