I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
