I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
