Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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