He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got inside last night via doggy door
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
