heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
