I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
