Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
