i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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