I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
