I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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