A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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