first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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