3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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