woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Two words: blizzard sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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