so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
