I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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