It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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