I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
