ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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