I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
