If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
