How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
