My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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