New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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